Exploring ADHD, autism and the journey towards understanding neurodivergence as a family

For many women, the journey towards understanding their own neurodivergence begins not with themselves, but with their children.

Perhaps your child is going through an ADHD or autism assessment, and as you complete questionnaires, talk about their childhood or listen to clinicians describe their experiences, something begins to feel unexpectedly familiar.

You recognise the difficulties with organisation, the sensory sensitivities, the emotional overwhelm or the feeling of being different.

You might find yourself thinking, "I was exactly like that when I was younger."

And suddenly, what began as a journey to understand your child becomes an opportunity to understand yourself.

Sometimes, in helping our children understand who they are, we begin to recognise parts of ourselves that have gone unexplored for years.

Recognising Yourself in Your Child

ADHD and autism have a significant genetic component, so it's not unusual for parents to recognise similar characteristics in themselves when their children are being assessed.

For many women, these experiences may have been overlooked during childhood.

Perhaps you were described as sensitive, anxious, disorganised or a daydreamer. Perhaps you performed well academically but needed to work much harder than others. Or maybe you became very good at masking your difficulties and adapting to what other people expected of you.

As you learn more about your child's experiences, you may begin to reconsider your own.

A lifetime of feeling overwhelmed, struggling with friendships, managing sensory sensitivities or finding everyday responsibilities exhausting may start to make more sense.

Of course, recognising similarities doesn't automatically mean that you have ADHD or are autistic. But it can be a meaningful reason to explore your experiences through a supportive assessment.

Showing Our Children That Understanding Ourselves Is a Positive Thing

One of the most powerful aspects of a parent choosing to explore their own neurodivergence is the message it can send to their children.

Children can sometimes feel worried or uncertain about assessments, particularly if they believe that being assessed means there's something wrong with them.

When a parent openly and positively approaches their own assessment, it can help change that narrative.

It shows children that seeking to understand how our brains work is something to feel comfortable and confident about.

That asking questions is healthy.

That needing support is normal.

And that we can continue learning about ourselves at any age.

A parent choosing to be assessed can be a wonderful way of role modelling self-acceptance, curiosity and emotional wellbeing.

Making Assessment a Supportive Family Experience

At Somerville Clinic, we believe that an ADHD or autism assessment should feel nurturing, thoughtful and empowering.

It's not about identifying what's wrong with someone. It's about understanding their individual experiences, strengths, challenges and needs.

For parents who wish to involve their children in their own assessment journey, there can be opportunities to talk openly about what assessments involve, why they're helpful and what we can learn from them.

This might mean explaining that Mum is also exploring how her brain works, sharing age-appropriate information about the process, or discussing how different family members experience the world.

Children can be included in these conversations in ways that feel comfortable and appropriate for their age, understanding and individual needs. Parents and partners are often invited to provide collateral information on their children as part of an assessment and we have also had patients who valued the opportunity for their children to be given the opportunity to give feedback on mum during her assessment.

The aim is to create an atmosphere of openness and reassurance, where neurodivergence is understood as part of human difference rather than something to fear.

Understanding Each Other as a Family

For some families, recognising neurodivergence across generations can be transformative.

A parent who has spent years feeling frustrated by their child's behaviour may begin to recognise similar difficulties in themselves.

A child who struggles with emotional regulation may feel reassured knowing that a parent sometimes experiences similar challenges.

Family members may begin to understand why they have different sensory needs, communication styles or ways of managing everyday life.

This shared understanding can encourage greater compassion, reduce misunderstandings and help families find practical ways of supporting one another.

It can also create space to recognise that, although family members may share neurodivergent characteristics, their experiences and support needs can be very different.

Understanding ourselves better can help us understand each other better, too.

A Journey Worth Taking Together

For many women, motherhood becomes an unexpected opportunity to revisit their own childhood experiences with fresh understanding.

What once felt like personal failings may begin to make sense within a different framework.

And what began as a desire to advocate for their child can become an important step towards recognising and supporting their own needs.

At The Somerville Clinic, we understand that exploring ADHD or autism as a parent can bring a mixture of emotions, from curiosity and relief to uncertainty or sadness about difficulties that may have gone unrecognised.

Our approach is warm, compassionate and focused on helping you make sense of your experiences at your own pace.

Because sometimes the greatest gift we can give our children is showing them that understanding and accepting ourselves is a lifelong journey — and one worth embracing.

How The Somerville Clinic Can Help

At The Somerville Clinic, we offer comprehensive, personalised ADHD and autism assessments for adults, with particular expertise in recognising neurodivergence in women whose experiences may have been overlooked during childhood.

We understand the importance of family relationships and the role that a child's assessment can play in helping parents recognise their own experiences.

Our assessments are designed to be supportive, collaborative and reassuring, with opportunities to discuss how you can share your assessment journey with your children in a positive, age-appropriate way.

We offer online and in-person appointments, reasonable adjustments where needed, and continuity of care wherever possible.

If your child's assessment has made you wonder whether you might also have ADHD or be autistic, we'd love to help you explore that possibility.

Contact Somerville Clinic to find out more about our adult ADHD and autism assessments.